If my child wants to be a butterfly for the day, then I say, “sure… why not”. Part of growing up is letting them express themselves and gain new experiences. Every kid expresses themselves differently. The challenge is learning to help them along the way and trying not to limit their imagination or experiences. Let them wear wings, a cape or pajamas to the grocery store. It doesn’t hurt anyone, and they love it. I treasure those moments and they go away as fast as they grow up.
LOVE WHO THEY ARE
Believe it or not, your child looks up to you. You are their most important role model. So you might as well use your powers for good. Helping your child figure out who they are and loving them no matter what is very important as their parent and role model. Now I never said it would be easy, especially during the fits and tantrums, but definitely worth it all.
GIVE THEM CHOICES
It’s not always easy to give your child choices or for a child to actually make a decision. If you give them at least 2 options in food, clothes, toys or even books, than they feel like it was their decision. My child has to resort to eeny meeny miny moe when she can’t decide, but it’s still her choice. I learned when Emma was young that she liked feeling she was part of a decision instead of being told what to do, eat or wear. Even as a toddler, clothes was a big thing for Emma. She was extremely picky about what she wears and still is. She only wears dresses or skirts. She hates pants unless they are leggings (never say pants or she won’t wear them) and only wears shorts that go under her dress.
ADJUST AS THEY GROW
As you learn what your child is interested in, you can adjust their choices and experiences. As a toddler going to daycare, I would pick two outfits for Emma to choose from the night before and she would always be excited to make her own choice. And yes, sometimes she’ll mix and match but always proudly wear it all together. As she got older and started Kindergarten, I rearranged her closet so she could pick out her own outfits and get dressed easily. Doing that started to give her the freedom to express herself in her own way. And she loves it.
DON’T STOP THEM FROM BEING A KID
Very early on, I learned that letting your child be a child is very important. When Emma asked if she could be a butterfly around 3 when we went to the mall, I didn’t hesitate to say “of course you can.” She loved flying around everyone. She actually put lots of smiles on others’ faces. Since then, she’s been all kinds of superheroes, animals, princesses and characters anywhere we go. She loved using her imagination and dressing up. As she’s gotten older she doesn’t really do it anymore, and sadly I miss it some. Then recently just out of the blue, she decided she wanted to be a butterfly to go to a butterfly festival. I guess what better way to attract butterflies than to be one yourself. But I loved seeing her dress up and having fun with it.
What I’ve really learned, now that Emma is almost eight, is that they grow up fast and as they do, they are trying to figure themselves out. They will go through phases and experiences good and bad. They will start to learn what they like and don’t like, but hopefully will still be willing to try new things. They will go through styles of clothes, types of food, hobbies, interests, activities, sports, arts and routines. But they will also go through feelings of hate, impatience, stubbornness, sadness, happiness, excitement and love. It’s all part of growing up.
You have to remember you were a kid once and went through all your phases and feelings. It’s a normal thing, and as your parents were probably not happy with some of your choices, you won’t be with your kids either. I would just say, choose your battles. I choose to let Emma wear whatever she wants as long as it’s within dress code. I don’t worry if it matches or not or if she wants to wear her hair in a braid, ponytail and bun all at same time… I find it cute she picks her style. Those are the simple choices that let them figure out who they are, not what you want them to be. Emma had to finish this statement at school, “I am special because… “ and her answer was… I am me and I am kind. I can’t argue with that answer, and I hope no one else will.
Love,
Jeannie
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