This is not a post you want to think about but a post that’s here if you need it. I wish I had this to read when my Mom passed away unexpectedly. I was so lost and didn’t know what to do. One of the last things you want to think of when you lose a parent is all the stuff that needs to be handled quickly. It’s extremely hard to think about when you’re grieving.
I went through all this when I lost my mom over a year and a half ago, the week before Thanksgiving. It was very unexpected and still pretty hard for me. I miss her every day. My Dad had passed away over 25 years ago, so it was up to the kids (my older brother and I) to take care of everything. Having no time to really grieve before having to make decisions, sign papers, clean out her apartment, plan a funeral and still trying to celebrate Thanksgiving with family without her was extremely hard. This is the checklist I wish I had. It has all of the things my brother and I had to take care of in those initial days.
FIRST THINGS YOU WILL NEED TO DO
These are always the hardest because your loss just happened but these are all things that have to be done quickly.
The Calls
Unfortunately, the first thing you need to do is inform all your family and friends about your loss. For me, luckily my brother handled this part with most of our family and friends. I had a hard time getting words out without crying, even over the phone.
The Immediate Details
You have to quickly figure out the details of the funeral home, transfer of your loved one, services and burial. You can’t handle much of anything else until you get the official death certificate and the funeral home supplies this document.
I can’t help you with the actual funeral steps because my mom already had everything set up with the funeral home and gravesite next to my Dad. With most of the gravesite decisions made and paid for already, that helped us move forward on other details. Even though this is something you don’t want to think about, having all the details handled with the funeral home ahead would get exactly what you want and help your family.
The details we did have to figure out:
• TRANSPORTATION
You can work with the funeral home and hospital on details. My brother worked with both to have transportation handled quickly from Dallas to Houston.
• FUNERAL SERVICES (Ceremony/Burial)
The funeral home can help you with any type of ceremony and burial you’d like.
• OBITUARY
Definitely not an easy thing to write but it’s a heartwarming write up to have.
• DEATH CERTIFICATE
The funeral home doesn’t sign off on a death certificate until the main physician’s signature and approval with the reason of death. We had to wait for the hospital physician in charge during my Mom’s death, and it took about a week due to the Thanksgiving holiday. I believe it usually only takes a few days. Once it’s ready, you need to decide how many official copies you need to order. There’s a cost to each copy.
BILLS TO BE CANCELED
There will be more bills than you would think that need to be canceled. My mom still wrote checks so she had stacks of envelopes that I just went through to sort out all her services. If your parent does everything online, then you can probably go to their bank and get a list of payments. You need to call or go online and cancel all the services.
You can always call the companies ahead to find out what they need to cancel services of the deceased. Some will require a digital or official printed copy of the death certificate.
• ELECTRICITY SERVICE
Make sure this gets shut off immediately after everything is moved out. Usually, someone moves in quickly afterward if it’s an apartment/senior living/nursing home.
• LAND LINE/MOBILE PHONE SERVICE
You probably want to cancel the land line unless it’s a house owned by the deceased. It’s a good idea to keep the mobile phone service active for at least a month to make sure you didn’t miss notifying anyone.
• CABLE/INTERNET SERVICE
Cancel immediately. You will also need to return cable boxes to the service company.
• RENTER’S/HOME INSURANCE
Cancel the insurance unless you need to keep the house. If keeping the house, you may need to transfer the name.
• CAR/MOTOR VEHICLE INSURANCE
Cancel the insurance unless you need to keep it and transfer the name.
• ALL MEDICAL EQUIPMENT
You will need to return or schedule pickup of all medical equipment not owned by deceased.
• HEALTH INSURANCE CARDS
• ANY RENTALS
TRANSFER OWNERSHIP
• CAR TITLE
• OTHER MOTOR VEHICLES
• HOUSE/PROPERTY/BUSINESS OWNERSHIP
• BANK ACCOUNTS
• OTHER FINANCIAL SAVINGS/INVESTMENTS
401k, mutual funds, stocks, IRA, retirement, pensions, etc…
ONLINE REQUESTS
• MAILING ADDRESS
Fill out the form to reroute mail at post office online for change of address to whoever needs to be receiving the mail. It’s a good idea to do this because bills, checks and other mail will come in for the deceased.
• CREDIT REPORT
Check credit report of deceased for any outstanding credits. Make sure to contact them to see what’s required for them to release the report. You may end up having to pay for debts that are listed.
APARTMENT/SENIOR LIVING/NURSING HOME
I will warn you, visiting and cleaning out my Mom’s place was one of the hardest things I had to do. Don’t be afraid to take little breaks and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with crying it out and reminiscing as you go through everything.
• FORMS/DOCUMENTATIONS
Fill out office forms needed and make sure to read everything on the forms and documents.
• MOVING OUT
Make sure you check the fine print on documents when you have to be moved out from notification of the death of the tenant. We had 2 weeks but because of the Thanksgiving holiday, travels and funeral services, we had about 4 days to clean out my Mom’s entire apartment.
• DONATION
Everything you don’t need, someone else could use. After we collected everything we wanted, we had other tenants in the complex come get what they could use. We donated everything that was left. My Mom was always a giving person.
• RETURN KEYS
There’s always some fine print in the documents about making sure to return all keys to the office when moved out.
LIFE INSURANCE
• Call life insurance(s) to get appropriate forms to fill out.
• Make sure you’re listed as the primary to be able to file, otherwise you’ll need to show proof such as a Living Will or Power of Attorney papers.
• Mail all forms, proof if needed, and the official death certificate.
• A check will be mailed once everything is approved.
NOTIFICATIONS OF DEATH
• DRIVERS LICENSE DMV
• HANDICAP TAGS
Need to turn in actual tags to local county tax assessor-collector’s office and get a receipt. DO NOT GO TO DMV UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE REDIRECTED.
• SOCIAL SECURITY
Call the social security administration or go by the social security office. This helps stop identity theft using deceased names and info. Check with the funeral home that handles your death certificate if they notify Social Security of death. We found out ours did.
• APPOINTMENTS/OBLIGATIONS
Cancel and inform appointments/obligations such as doctor, dentist, specialist, therapist, events, meetings, treatments, hair cuts, etc…
• PHYSICIANS/OTHER IMPORTANT SERVICE PERSONALS
Need to notify them about their client.
BANK ACCOUNTS
• BANK CREDIT CARD
Make sure you don’t cancel this until all payments have gone through and you’ve canceled all other services. If the credit card was only under the deceased name and no one else, then there’s a chance the bank will clear it to $0 before canceling. Check with the bank before paying the credit card off. My Mom’s bank cleared her credit card to $0 when we canceled so we didn’t have to pay it off.
• BANK ACCOUNT
You may want to wait at least 6 months to a year before canceling the bank account just in case. I was still getting checks for months from services I canceled, but the checks were under my Mom’s name. It’s easier to just deposit the check into her account since it was still under her name until you cancel and transfer all the money. For me it was easier because my name was already on my Mom’s bank account but with a death certificate, the bank will work with you on best options if it’s not a joint account. You can always see if they will add your name to the account just incase.
It’s a lot of information and I’m sure there’s lots more I didn’t cover, but I hope this list helps. I actually wrote this blog 5 months after my mom passed away but I had to step away from it. I have been thinking of her a lot lately and figured this would be a good time to post. I’ve also had several friends go through similar grieving and wished I had posted this sooner. I really hope you never need to use this list but it’s here if anyone else does.
Love,
Jeannie
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